A genuine happiness

Happiness

I'm amazed sometimes at my ability to feel happy for others... non of that that's-great-for-you-wish-things-were-the-same-for-me-too, but a pure, genuine kind of joy when I hear good things happening to others.. so totally makes my day~!

People getting married...

People getting together...

People planning surprises for others...

*happy sigh~*

But these 3 days really taught me what genuine happiness is all about. I nearly lost my Dad last Tuesday. When my sister broke the news that my dad was hospitalised due to a strong stabbing pain in his chest and his condition was not stable, tears just flow down my cheek unknowingly. The most painful part was when I called back I had to pretend that I didn't know anything (my parents told my sister not to tell me), and be casual.

While chatting with him on the phone, his voice was really weak. Unknowingly tears just flow through my cheek.I had to pause and breathe real hard before continuing talking with him.That moment was really a very very painful moment to go through. I spent the last 2 days worrying about my dad.I could wake up in the middle at night and cried non stop for 2 to 3 hours because the fear of losing my dad was just very strong. I did nothing but worrying and complaining why. I stopped praying. I stopped believing in Him. I shut myself from reality.

Even when my friends prayed for my dad,I wasn't praying because when my uncle was on his death bed, I was kneeling and praying to God to save him, and He didn't. Thus, this time I didn't want to pray. Because I felt it was just going to be same as before.

But God is really gracious and good to me. He never forgets about me. He send people around me to comfort me. And I'm really thankful for them. I am thankful that they knew about what had happenned and yet never really asked alot.Coz at that moment I just wanted to be left alone.I am thankful that I have very considerate friends.I am. And of course, I am thankful that my dad was discharged yesterday. His condition is stable now but from now on he really needs to becareful coz recurrence rate is really high.

In just these 3 short days, I have experienced both sadness and joy on the extreme. The thing was I wallowed myself into self-pitiness. I made myself a victim. I created an excuse for myself to do nothing. But God pulled me through this painful journey. I was in the lowest pit of my life till He came to pull me out of it.He comforted me with His angels, His people, His prayer team and His songs.And all these are true genuine happiness that I've felt. Deep from inside. Thank You , My Father.

Below were the the song that really speak to me during this period.

Because Of You - City Harvest Church

LOVE SONG FOR 1 ~ CORRINNE MAY

In the twinkling stars that dance like fireflies
In the blushing fruit that hangs upon the vine
In the face of a baby as he forms his first smile

I see you

In the whisper of the wind's soft lullaby
In the laughter and the roar of the rushing tide
In the song of a sparrow as he takes his first flight

I hear you

Why do you hide among the nameless and forgotten
Why do you walk along these long forsaken roads
Calling to me in the hungry and the homeless
Calling me to water your thirst

So I'll give you my heart and my song
In a world where so much is right
But so much is wrong
Your love is my beginning and I know it won't be too long

Till I see you



P/S : I was inspired when I first heard her on MTV channel and she really caught my attention. The lyrics are simple but that's what makes it beautiful. Easy to understand and yet deep .

Christians as doormat ?

Did you understand what cliched books meant when they said "her eyes wide, she opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it shut." Well,I would not want to say that it happened to me...but Hey .. everybody somehow went through that period right.

Don't understand? Have you ever been in the position where you were just about to fire off a snappy retort to someone who super annoyed you with her assumptious comment.She asked you to do something and while you were going to do it, even though you weren't that keen on it but because she wanted you to and you wanted to make things easier for her. And suddenly she said, "Waa, only doing that bit ahh!" (to that effect).Instantly the Flame of the Wrongly Accused flared up in you and you wanted to say in a very irritated tone, "I'm going to do this first."

And as you were about to do it, something stopped you before you could get the words out. You know how, when you think, you don't think in words but rather are led by emotions or senses? Well, some sense in you reminded you that you had to be patient. And thus you kept quiet.


Anyway, what I want to say today is that being a Christian is being a doormat! Not fighting back, not defending yourself, not demanding your rights! You get stepped on, taken for granted, overlooked, unappreciated by everybody because you won't stand up for yourself! You see? YOU SEE?! And the God you serve was the biggest doormat of all! The only difference is, his doormat was vertical and in the shape of a cross!

In my opinion, Jesus' instructions to us, his followers, do sound like "be a doormat". Things such as:

1. If a man slaps you on one cheek, turn the other cheek to him too.
2. Be quiet when people speak to you in anger.
3. Pray for those who persecute you.
4. Do not seek vengeance or revenge.
5. Love those who hate you.

And so on. His whole life was a testimony to serving others and not himself: washing his disciples' feet, preaching to the crowds although he was exhausted and hungry.


But I think of it this way...if my being a doormat for Christ can help to usher someone into the House of God, get someone interested in Him...then, I am willing to be one.


Another thought that I had was, (and this thought didn't feel like it came from me) before we can soar like eagles, our wings have to be strengthened first. Sometimes I'm so eager to fly off and explore my fullest potential that I forget that I need to grow stronger and firmer in my foundations first.

I think this is the period when God is putting many challenges in my life to build up the character I need to stay strong in Him and I thanked God for the support of the groups of friends that I've had near me all my life.

Alright, sleep is calling my name and I must not keep it waiting. Farewell dear readers! Phew.. it has been a long time since I really sit down and think what I to blog.. ^_^