Happiness
I'm amazed sometimes at my ability to feel happy for others... non of that that's-great-for-you-wish-things-were-the-same-for-me-too, but a pure, genuine kind of joy when I hear good things happening to others.. so totally makes my day~!
People getting married...
People getting together...
People planning surprises for others...
*happy sigh~*
But these 3 days really taught me what genuine happiness is all about. I nearly lost my Dad last Tuesday. When my sister broke the news that my dad was hospitalised due to a strong stabbing pain in his chest and his condition was not stable, tears just flow down my cheek unknowingly. The most painful part was when I called back I had to pretend that I didn't know anything (my parents told my sister not to tell me), and be casual.
While chatting with him on the phone, his voice was really weak. Unknowingly tears just flow through my cheek.I had to pause and breathe real hard before continuing talking with him.That moment was really a very very painful moment to go through. I spent the last 2 days worrying about my dad.I could wake up in the middle at night and cried non stop for 2 to 3 hours because the fear of losing my dad was just very strong. I did nothing but worrying and complaining why. I stopped praying. I stopped believing in Him. I shut myself from reality.
Even when my friends prayed for my dad,I wasn't praying because when my uncle was on his death bed, I was kneeling and praying to God to save him, and He didn't. Thus, this time I didn't want to pray. Because I felt it was just going to be same as before.
But God is really gracious and good to me. He never forgets about me. He send people around me to comfort me. And I'm really thankful for them. I am thankful that they knew about what had happenned and yet never really asked alot.Coz at that moment I just wanted to be left alone.I am thankful that I have very considerate friends.I am. And of course, I am thankful that my dad was discharged yesterday. His condition is stable now but from now on he really needs to becareful coz recurrence rate is really high.
In just these 3 short days, I have experienced both sadness and joy on the extreme. The thing was I wallowed myself into self-pitiness. I made myself a victim. I created an excuse for myself to do nothing. But God pulled me through this painful journey. I was in the lowest pit of my life till He came to pull me out of it.He comforted me with His angels, His people, His prayer team and His songs.And all these are true genuine happiness that I've felt. Deep from inside. Thank You , My Father.
Below were the the song that really speak to me during this period.
Because Of You - City Harvest Church
